Oh yea I forgot, I'm funny :)
my ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings and elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that i may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies, i have big dreams and i deserve to live a life i love and let that love radiate
I fucked up.
I’m not enough.
I will never be enough.
I now understand and accept that.
I unfortunately can’t stop trying to make you change your mind.
If it’s 3am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair
Please do not turn to strangers on the internet for solace as I did
Please climb onto my bed
And I will hold you until the demons sleep
If it is Thursday morning and you are too sad to move
I won’t force you
I will buy ice cream and we will watch your favourite tv show and I will remind you of your importance
If you feel as if you have no purpose
I will remind you that you were created entirely with love and every pain you feel, I feel too
When you’re sure you can’t go on anymore
I will tell you that when I was 21 I searched for peace at the bottom of a vodka bottle chased by a bottle of pain killers
But that five years later
When you were placed in my arms in the delivery room
I realised that you were why I had been holding on
Without realising it, you saved me, do you know how amazing that is?
So if you ever feel like grabbing that vodka bottle, put it down, we will get in the car and I will drive until the sky turns magenta
I will show you how the sun rises every morning to encourage you to rise too
Sweetheart I refuse to be unaware of your sufferings
As my mother was to mine.”
I was right when I decided not to expect anything from anyone anymore. People just let you down in the end. What’s the point of hoping? Everyone has the ability to disappoint themselves, so why expect different from others? Usually I’m an optimistic person. The older I get the more it diminishes. I thought I understood my world but apparently I was completely wrong. Luckily I’m leaving my world soon. Where I’m going no one knows me. Thankfully my past is my past and it’s no one’s business but mine. No more letting people get close. I’m done with society. Society is just filled with f**k ups judging other f**k ups.
F*ck you and the things you do!